Yes I do mean "DRAMAS" and not either "LLAMAS" or "LHAMAS"!! (One belongs to the Andean foothills and the other to Tibet - but I am never sure which!) My 'dramas' surround the new statue of Richard Branson proposed for the town square (Corner of Fart Street) to replace the one destroyed by Japanese developers after my 'accidental' flooding alert sparked a major emergency response back in June...well the statue has sparked a major controversy. The South West Devon Masons - headed by our Chief Constable and Mayor, object to him being re depicted as 'bearded' - as this contradicts the eleventh great order of the Illustrious branch of masonry - that 'men of honour should go clean shaven and wooden shoed'. As you can imagine this sparked intermittent rioting amongst the local peasants who favour the 'Bridport full bloom' an ankle length beard festooned and decorated according to the season...
The street fighting itself allows the ingress of radioactive howler monkeys who infest the country round here back into town, where their ear splitting screeches and terrifying near fatal presence adds little to the ambience.. It has greatly interferred with my efforts to seduce women,
which has replaced becoming an internet millionaire as my main goal at the moment (that and founding my own religion ) as the nights are risky to the point of suicidal. Anyhoo - I nevertheless decided on a blind date at The Ropemakers. It was worse than you can imagine... If anyone remembers the various excrutiating experiences I have had since I got thrown out my marriage this was the worse. Worse than the feral mail order bride (who has been living under the aquaduct for a year), the baked potato lady, the accidental prostitute, the purple haired one, the Huss lady and the whole bloody lot in one... Really. I am awaiting a shipment of 'Special Brew' from a friend...after that you may hear no more from me. If I survive, I may grunt monosyllabically rather than talk...
16 comments:
Is that a photo of the woman you had a blind date with? Nipples that hard could certainly blind a man.
Is Richard Branson a member of the Illuminati?
And Mutley, i'm sorry if I didn't live up to your expectations as a blind date. Was my skirt too short?
Mr Bananas!
Yes - and she was much taller than me!
Yo Yo Crushed!!
He is indeed - do you think an illiterate could be so rich etc any other way? As for the date. Its just that it was so unexpected after all the build up...
dramas have always been "enless",
emless they are not....enless they are
Look - for once your post can't top reality for laughs.
After all. What could be funnier than rolling up one's trouser leg, bearing one's breast ... and presenting one's bollocks on a silver platter in front of the Grand Poobar and assorted males dressed in pinnies ???
Would you like to register with Infomaniac's "Fag, Hag and the Odd Slag Dating Service"?
We need details Mr M.....lurid details , did she have any unfortunate personal habits ???
Beards are hard to do... I mean for the sculpture thingy wotsit...
Sx
"wooden shoed"
Aha! The Dutch are conspiring with the radioactive howler monkeys to spoil things for everybody!
I hope no-one pops them!
Did you blow them up Mutley?
mutley, my dear man/dog...being with a woman will not complete you...she cannot make you anything you are not already, without her...i understand being lonely and wanting to be with someone but that will come in time...it really will...and you will be better for the wait...that is not easy for me to say as i hate waiting for anything...and loneliness is, well intoxicating sometimes...take it a little at a time...blind dates often suck because no one really knows what you want in a woman but you...no one can pick her for you...
LOL @ john.g
Tits that big would be a waste...
Doncha just love a natural womanly shape?
Well, at least you lived to tell the tale. Blind dates are like slot machines. You never know if you're going to hit the jackpot, but you're still spending money for a little entertainment.
Perhaps it's all for the best, being that she was so tall with monstrous mammaries. I mean, she might have been an Amazon, or she could've been a woman forged from surgical intervention.
You been listening to The Archers, Mutley?
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