Economics for Beginners
Gods Love
A little while back my friend Electro Kevin wrote a break down of his finances and in my new job I have decided that I could do the same.
All figures in UK Pounds
My take home pay this month was 1294.92
Rent 477.00
Car repayment 131.05
Telephone/broadband/TV 80.00
Water 60.00
Gas/Electricity 60.00 ( I owe them 500 plus)
Poll tax 85.00
Petrol 70.00
I will have paid 509 pounds tax and NI, 80.00 poll tax plus VAT and tax on everything.
That leaves me about 330 UK pounds a month for myself and my son to live on. I want to mention without the car and the petrol taxed at about 90% from already taxed income I could not get to work.
Oh. I owe money on some credit cards, who expect repayment every month as well. I would like them to sue me for bankruptcy actually. When I asked the H*****x to do that they actually replied "If you were bankrupted you may have trouble getting financial services including a mortgage in the future" (!!) They then suggested I used a different credit card to repay them... which is a gross breach of the banking code. I asked the caller if he was interested in oral coitus... which ended the conversation
Now. My 'flat' does not actually have 2 bedrooms. My son uses what should be the living room. I am in some way entitled to 'tax credits' - but at this moment I am not getting any. Its an amazing cock up by the orang-utans who run the DSS or the Inland Revenue or something.
60 comments:
oh - and the fuckin dog eats like a horse...
The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away.
Put your faith in the lord.
And have your engine converted so you can run your car on horse shit instead petrol.
yeah but at least the dog is cute.
Is that possible Mr Trucker?
I know.... as are you. Do you fancy a night skinny dipping one day this week at all?
Those taxes are horrendous.
I had to look up poll tax because it means something illegal here.
On average for on the same salary and in a similar flat here in my city you would pay in UK pounds:
Rent 350 for a nice two bedroom
car 131
TV broadband 60
Water 15
gas electricity 100
Property tax (included in rent)
Petrol 40 to 80 depending on commute.
So if you need me to write a letter of reference for your emigration just let me know
Mr Mutley, life is almost as tough with a job as without. Lucky you have the allotment but then the season will soon be over.
No brilliant advice I'm afraid, just a hug and best wishes.
Mutters - just rest easy, knowing that all that tax is supporting our Parliamentary colleagues in their quest to soak every penny in expenses before thay reap the rewards of a pension they deny everyone else.
Othewise, I'm glad you're at least coping - don't give up eh?
I think you are being stiffed on the TV/broadband/phone, unless you are using the phone an awful lot. Tiscali and Skype may be helpful. And how the hell does water cost £60 a month? But you could solve your problems anyway by being a comedy busker in your spare time. It's incredible how many laughs a man in underpants will get.
Thats a scary post. I take home more than that but I have had no security for a few years now and in the meantime have aquired three sons etc.
All the best
I was under the impression that gigolos made much more than that.
My council tax is £200 a month! Put yourself out to stud Mutley!
Mutley,I agree with Gorilla, how can your water bill be £60 a month? We (2) are on a meter and it's £300 a year!
It makes pretty grim reading Mutley... The card people suggested you pay them off with another card???? Jesus.
You poor stupid man - come in dinner and eat thens???
Blogger Hammer said...
Those taxes are horrendous.
I had to look up poll tax because it means something illegal here.
On average for on the same salary and in a similar flat here in my city you would pay in UK pounds:
Rent 350 for a nice two bedroom
car 131
TV broadband 60
Water 15
gas electricity 100
Property tax (included in rent)
Petrol 40 to 80 depending on commute.
So if you need me to write a letter of reference for your emigration just let me know
for some blighted and ridiculous reason I love my country Mr H! I will flee if it gets much worse - so keep your letter ready. Thanks.
Blogger jmb said...
Mr Mutley, life is almost as tough with a job as without. Lucky you have the allotment but then the season will soon be over.
No brilliant advice I'm afraid, just a hug and best wishes.
Yep. You see it right. But I do have things like training, job satisfaction etc. - the allotment season never ends by the way...((HUGS))
Blogger Scroblene said...
Mutters - just rest easy, knowing that all that tax is supporting our Parliamentary colleagues in their quest to soak every penny in expenses before thay reap the rewards of a pension they deny everyone else.
Othewise, I'm glad you're at least coping - don't give up eh?
I find little comfort in that ... surprisingly perhaps. I have no pension whatever...
Blogger Gorilla Bananas said...
I think you are being stiffed on the TV/broadband/phone, unless you are using the phone an awful lot. Tiscali and Skype may be helpful. And how the hell does water cost £60 a month? But you could solve your problems anyway by being a comedy busker in your spare time. It's incredible how many laughs a man in underpants will get.
I will have another look at the Virgin Bills. Its for all in one. But you are right about the water - its been so long since I paid a bill properly that I didnt realize the bills for both waters - in and out - are actually quarterly. You can imagine how little interest that is to me? I pay them something when I can. So its actually like a third of that apparently. No water company ever cut anybody off this century. So I aint bothered...
Blogger Newmania said...
Thats a scary post. I take home more than that but I have had no security for a few years now and in the meantime have aquired three sons etc.
All the best
I am glad my children are grown up Mr N. Thats all I can say... sorry for the dull post. The next one will feature naked girls!!
Blogger MJ said...
I was under the impression that gigolos made much more than that.
I get paid the minimum wage for my gigololing - and there are only so many hours in a day...
Blogger john.g. said...
My council tax is £200 a month! Put yourself out to stud Mutley!
7:46 AM
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Blogger john.g. said...
Mutley,I agree with Gorilla, how can your water bill be £60 a month? We (2) are on a meter and it's £300 a year!
I have a tiny place and its grotty. I am in the lowest council tax band. You are right on the water, its a quaterly bill but I have been paying random weekly amounts so I lost track...
Blogger jams o donnell said...
It makes pretty grim reading Mutley... The card people suggested you pay them off with another card???? Jesus.
British Banks are uniformly con men and crooks. They are genuinely vile. Of course it is an offense to advise me that but the Halifax Bank who hopefully will soon be bankrupt did it anyway! May the last Labour politician die strangled in the bowels of the last of their big business/banking supporters....along with various doomed building companies...up against the wall!!
Blogger Mu Tai Dong said...
You poor stupid man - come in dinner and eat thens???
MU? Fuck Off
ISnt saying anything in case Mr M shouts at me
***comforst sobbing Mu Tai and her soggy noodles ***
what can I say muts, lifes a bitch, then you die?
Well we just got our new property tax assessment for this place and it is 650 dollars more than it was last year. I hope you win the lottery, Mutley and speaking of that I better go and get a ticket for this weekend.
so we have now put our house up on the block and hope to sell.
Same over here, taxes over taxes and they keep rising. Our gasoline price is 60% taxed on,its just too much these bastards want. Too little to live and too much to die, its a vicious circle.
Younger Son is being pursued by debt collectors. Me and George are practising our ferocious kick-boxing/woofing in readiness.
Sit on the street with Mutley. Hold a Big issue. Everyone will stop and give food to mutley. i have that on good authority from a Big Issue dog.
The water bill seems high. Are you on a meter ?
It's grim. Your 1300 quid should be enough but it isn't. They switch from RPI to CPI as a measure of the cost of living and then cut out all those essential costs that spoil the figures and tax you until you're RIP.
T'ain't fare !
Blogger Mu Tai Dong said...
You poor stupid man - come in dinner and eat thens???
MU? Fuck Off
1:56 PM
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Blogger BEAST said...
ISnt saying anything in case Mr M shouts at me
***comforst sobbing Mu Tai and her soggy noodles ***
Mu is a pain in the ass if you ask me...
Blogger Crashdummie said...
what can I say muts, lifes a bitch, then you die?
No it isnt! Its great! I have many pluses - I have lots of friends, health, a lovely spot to live in - the crashing sea to the front and behind a small collection of Georgian and victorian houses and woods running up the hill. A tiny old fashioned pub about 100 yards away, and I like my job. I just want the Government to give me some of my money back and cut the prices of some stuff.. also I get to flirt with you on line... now that cant be bad can it?
Blogger The Old Tarf said...
Well we just got our new property tax assessment for this place and it is 650 dollars more than it was last year. I hope you win the lottery, Mutley and speaking of that I better go and get a ticket for this weekend.
so we have now put our house up on the block and hope to sell.
If I win the lottery I shall surprise you by knocking on yer front door one day - then we can go and drink Canada dry.. HA!
Blogger Mone said...
Same over here, taxes over taxes and they keep rising. Our gasoline price is 60% taxed on,its just too much these bastards want. Too little to live and too much to die, its a vicious circle.
I lived in sunny Germany for six years in the 90s and at that time you paid more tax than us by a long way... now it aint so different - but - none of state run stuff - health service and such like - works, unlike yours!
Blogger Liz said...
Younger Son is being pursued by debt collectors. Me and George are practising our ferocious kick-boxing/woofing in readiness.
Sit on the street with Mutley. Hold a Big issue. Everyone will stop and give food to mutley. i have that on good authority from a Big Issue dog.
The mistake I made last month was to pay a load of people I didnt have to as I thought I was rich! ... er ... I wasnt. I will manage but obviously I cant make the night in a luxury hotel you have promised me as I cant afford the petrol... Tee hee!
Younger Son is being pursued by debt collectors. Me and George are practising our ferocious kick-boxing/woofing in readiness.
Sit on the street with Mutley. Hold a Big issue. Everyone will stop and give food to mutley. i have that on good authority from a Big Issue dog.
6:04 AM
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Blogger electro-kevin said...
The water bill seems high. Are you on a meter ?
It's grim. Your 1300 quid should be enough but it isn't. They switch from RPI to CPI as a measure of the cost of living and then cut out all those essential costs that spoil the figures and tax you until you're RIP.
T'ain't fare !
Yes. You are right about the water. I muddled up the bills which are actually quarterly not monthly. I owe them cash anyway. The only bills I pay every month are the rent, poll tax, energy and car loan. As I need my house and car and the council arrests you for not paying the poll tax.
I would suggest that some tax cutting on petrol and on low incomes would be a brilliant tory policy. Help the working poor and that!
I have given the impression that I am miserable. I aint! I love my friends, my community and my country. I also enjoy my job - but I aint doing a lot of eating out or travelling for the forseeable future. Good job I like it here aint it?
I'll send you the money, mutley. I can't miss out on our night together just because of stupidity on your part.
Think I am with Jmb, I can only send *hugs* coz life and moneys seem to be complicated for everyone right now!
But I do have lots of *hugs* ;-)
If you only get minimum wage for gigoloing shouldn't you qualify for tax credits? And how do I get into that job myself? And I got the shock of my life when I visited MJs page and saw the pics. Then I watched the cake farting...
I think I need a lie down, lol.
You can always live on beetroot. Or baked beans. They're cheap.
You just might not smell very nice.
Mr. M.
As you know, I am a self made millionaire. I have numerous projects on the go and every one is huge earner. I have just come off the phone, giving a word of advice to Sir Alan Sugar regarding the mess he has got himself into with his latest soiled knicker scam - will these spivs never learn?
Anyway the reason I called was to ask if you have any spare parts for a Mk.3 centrifugal wanking spanner? They are required urgently by a contact in Chorlton cum Hardy. There's a pony in it for you.
10:10 AM
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Blogger Liz said...
I'll send you the money, mutley. I can't miss out on our night together just because of stupidity on your part.
12:40 PM
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I have already left - shall I stop at Aldi for supplies on the way?
Blogger CherryPie said...
Think I am with Jmb, I can only send *hugs* coz life and moneys seem to be complicated for everyone right now!
But I do have lots of *hugs* ;-)
Well I am actually fine - it is only money after all... but I am keen all the hugging - can we do front on? - ahem.
Blogger Ginro said...
If you only get minimum wage for gigoloing shouldn't you qualify for tax credits? And how do I get into that job myself? And I got the shock of my life when I visited MJs page and saw the pics. Then I watched the cake farting...
I think I need a lie down, lol.
Isnt MJ shocking? You would not find that kind of thing here...
Blogger phishez said...
You can always live on beetroot. Or baked beans. They're cheap.
You just might not smell very nice.
3:58 AM
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I do my darling and no, I do not smell very nice. When you pop over for your rub down I shall take a shower...
The Dirty Rat said...
Mr. M.
As you know, I am a self made millionaire. I have numerous projects on the go and every one is huge earner. I have just come off the phone, giving a word of advice to Sir Alan Sugar regarding the mess he has got himself into with his latest soiled knicker scam - will these spivs never learn?
Anyway the reason I called was to ask if you have any spare parts for a Mk.3 centrifugal wanking spanner? They are required urgently by a contact in Chorlton cum Hardy. There's a pony in it for you.
MR RAT!!! I am annoyed with you! You keep sloping off and breaking my little heart...
Yes I have the spanner you require. I shall dispacth it immediately. Do you mind if I request payment in those little ciggies you smuggle from Cyprus - it would be about 100,000 I reckon...
Okay the numbers look small...I imagine it's lots more in American dollars though huh? My electric bill is $500.oo this past month...but I owe them for the month before...Owwww! that hurts. I was ready to throw a fit equal to that of my mother...a Southern lady who could surrender to profanity faster than a sailor itching for a fight..
What the hell...I imagine I'll have to dance a night or two to gather the cash. hehehe
Ciao babe.
NOPE!
the problem is taxes and the price of utilities like power and water..
Still - no excuse for being a bit of an ass. Sorry.
And this country has only just crested the peak of it's material wealth.
"I asked the caller if he was interested in oral coitus... which ended the conversation"
That's what I like about you, Mutley, you've got balls, and yet, such has been the misery of the past decade of broken Labour promises....
D.
Mr. M.
Certainly, no problem. The gaspers are on their way.
Bad news I'm afraid, Lady Rat has just caught the bus to the doctor with an enormous eruption of vaginal warts. c'est la vie.
Blogger SPARSELY KATE said...
Still - no excuse for being a bit of an ass. Sorry.
Not at all babes! It is me who fools around all the time. You have a lovely swallowtail butterfly as your pic. I saw one today... a rare beast indeed.
Blogger Tickersoid said...
And this country has only just crested the peak of it's material wealth.
Quite Mr T! How are you by the way?
Blogger Selena Dreamy said...
"I asked the caller if he was interested in oral coitus... which ended the conversation"
That's what I like about you, Mutley, you've got balls, and yet, such has been the misery of the past decade of broken Labour promises....
D.
I got a letter threatening me with bankruptcy today. Go ahead make my day I say! I am with you on the Labour party being useless rubbish - really mad dangerous people with the delusion they are actually helping people... how did this happen? I am sure they meant well when they started...
Blogger The Dirty Rat said...
Mr. M.
Certainly, no problem. The gaspers are on their way.
Bad news I'm afraid, Lady Rat has just caught the bus to the doctor with an enormous eruption of vaginal warts. c'est la vie
They are horribly communicable you know.. I hope she was wearing big pants for the bus ride... or half of Cyprus will be having an itchy few weeks...
Is the offer on half price anal bleaching cream still one? Only I have met some one...
They are all fascist bastards, Mutley!
Oooh! Welshcakes :-O
I am well and posting at an astonishing rate for the moment at least. I'm sure I'll burn out again soon.
it's a good job that 'the dog' eats like a horse, grass is much cheaper than tinned dog food.
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