Sex Post!!

I have noticed that I have gained a little weight since I packed in my heavy smoking habit - it had spiraled out of control up to 10 a week! I have therefore been investigating 'diets' as a way to lose some of my excess pudginess. I have 'heavily' (hahaha did you get my pun!?) researched the topic by searching on the internet and I am inclined to have a 'high colonic irrigation' and then take up the so called 'cabbage soup diet' as I have a lot of cabbages on my allotment. I popped into the Ropemakers' for a pint and a pie (Steak and Rhubarb - delish!!) to mull over the matter when who should enter the 'Gentlemens Bar' than the lovely Ziggy on a break from her nude road sweeping job. As you can imagine this caused a stir as normally women are not allowed. After a brief consultation we decided to consider her an 'honorary man' for the day.
"You are fat because you drink to much beer !"She says.. For a moment I am thunderstruck. Doesn't she know that beer contains no calories? If it did you would see them floating in it. My tip ? Don't drink beer with bits in it. But I digress. Later she followed me home for a rest...(see above). I ashamed to say I was tempted to take advantage and not just that little snap!

I have struggled with the cabbage soup so far as I cannot find room for it after every meal and I have abandoned the soup after my eggs fried in lards which I have for breakfast every day before my bowl of Aldi 'Vanilla Cushions' with honey (instead of sugar!)

Later in the Yachting Club I have only 3 plates of food which had been provided for a birthday for someone or another and to settle my 4 pints of 'Old Screwdriver Oil' when I am accosted by a shapely girl "Excuse me" she says politely "But that food was for everyone you know" She is whip thin like my transgendered friend Giles - and for a moment I am taken aback! Later she approaches me again and says "I have heard you like to make the beast with two backs with that queer boy Giles**** is that true?" I am so confused by the shocking language that I cannot reply and when I think of a witty riposte she is gone. I am much funnier on paper than in real life I think as I can look up jokes on humorous websites. Instead I do a lot of dancing - I have concluded that wellington boots are not ideal for dancing!

Blog News

I am considering a new attempt on a sexy style post as my previous efforts have attracted only ribald laughter. How was I to know that most people do not consider tea bags and brown tights erotic? I have also signed up for some more internet dating sites! I am sure this will help. My enticing blog question.

Sex or not?