Mackerel Curry!

Well how was I to know that the smell of me going to the toilet would be so pervasive and unerotic? There is no accounting for women is there? After all its perfectly natural..I think my mackerel curry had badly affected the stench of the logs I dropped just after she joined me on the oddly angled sofa which no longer fits between the hamster table and the cooker.

Anyhoo after all my efforts spiking her drinks I had managed to lure the lovely lady I 'chose' - well the third or fourth I tried - back to me 'LOVEPAD'. I have to go back in time for a few moments as all we authors love to do.

Wee ooooo eeeee eooooo eeeee *Going back in time effect(like on the telly)*


Its six o'clock on Saturday night in Bridport.. and I am boiling for the night out. I have freshly brylcreemed my armpits and remaining pubes in the latest fashion and had a proper shirt off wash! With 11 quid in my pocket I am mad for it and on the cutting edge of fashion as I like the new cool and down with the kids movie "Mama Mia"!

Money - money money I am a Dancing Queen, etc etc. In the Ropemakers I am soon the centre of attention! My lime green waistcoat and exciting "man-scara" make up make me seem glam and sophisticated. I drink several pints of Old Lesbian No.3 - with its exciting turnip undertones whilst wiggling and jiggling round the bar

Naturally a gaggle of girls soon surrounds me - mostly elderly nymphomaniacs and dieting fanatics. Still I dance on as I avoid their goosing and intimate hugs..One stands out of the crowd. She is below fifty has her own teeth and its not a care in the community victim and is wearing a all black with shiney silver bits and grey blonde hair!

Like Debbie Harry but a bit younger maybe.

Because of my brilliant Abba impression she joins me at my table saying "You will do - pretend to be with me until that man leaves!" I laugh as I love that kind of sophisticated joke - don't you? I pop to the bar to crack my fiver and order a creme de menthe and lemonade for my sexy new friend.

Later the man she is pretending to be avoiding in order to sit by me leaves and she grabs me and heads for the door. I swallow the last of my Pork scratchings and the fine summer ale and follow.

As we reach the corner of Fart Street where the statue of Richard Branson has been vandalised with used condoms she pretends to spot her stalker saying "Shit there he is coming quick hide!!"

I humour her as she runs into my block of 'flats' and - surprise surprise!! we are soon in my flat/bedsit! Geoffrey - the miedget one headed push-me-pull-you is asleep thankfully when I hear my bowels rumbling from the effect of my lunchtime experiment with the 'days catch'!

The rest as they say 'is history' as she scapered from the flat knocking over the small model of Madonna and taking with her the second of the 'Bovril' mugs in which I had made coffee. I later found it broken on the drain outside... what a shame as they were a 'Collectors set'.

So. Then so much for the sex post as I had been relying on actually having sex in order to update my experiences...

Blog Question

Would a man having a giant mackerel curry scented poo put you off shagging him?