Australia Here I Come!! (Part 2.)

Australia Here I come!!

For the first point I am posting this from my laptop high in the sky over Korea (I hope!!) where I am heading to Pyongyang, to change for Boulder-Kalgoorlie Airport in Australia. The flight so far has been eventful – ahem. .

It started well enough when I arrived at Dorset International Airport for my 1.30am departure. I was of course prepared for this being an Animal Transport after my experience at this airport in the summer – and of course it was. My fellow passengers were mainly horses and what looked like a unicorn. Or a thin Narwhal. Anyway, I was ready for it and had brought the little collapsible camping stool, the Scooby-Doo blanket as well as a flask of “Hot Beefy Drink” courtesy of Aldi, which I had made at double strength.

I was surprised to find that Paul Weller and the sexy sports mad purple haired lady (who has stood me up 11 times!!) had come to the airport to see me off.! As I passed through the ‘crush’ and had my ear tag checked by a vet, I could see they were holding hands, and kissing!! Are they an item?? When did this happen? Paul Weller is imaginary you know – so how comes he did better than me?? By this time I was already in the stock holding room awaiting my transport cage so I shall have to wait till I return before I can find out! I was alone again, with only the nice plastic skeleton (which I have brought for company). I suspect they were just making sure I left…humph! Maybe they have been laughing at me behind my back all along? – I did think it odd when she asked me to turn up at a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous with a bottle of Vodka. I had thought the strangled giggles were just coincidence…

No point brooding…

We took off on time – with much neighing, braying and snorting from my friends the horses. And me. The cabin pressure was a little variable and by the time we reached cruising height (2000 feet!!) my ears had started to bleed a little. I was surprised as well to hear a teeny knocking noise from my ‘My Little Pony’ lunch box.! When I opened it I found that my corned beef and tomato sandwiches had been eaten and Geoffrey the one -headed midget Push-Me-Pull-You was sitting there, covered in crumbs and corned beef fragments. I couldn’t be too annoyed with this ‘stowaway’ as I needed some comfort after being once more thwarted in love – but my tummy was rumbling. I found some Horse Pellets – Geoffrey ate some nibbling them one at a time – but I have to say I found them a bit “grassy”. We landed in Baghdad in good time, and then took an airplane called a ‘Crop Sprayer’ for the onward flight to Teheran. Luckily, when the flight was on the ground I spied a few vending machines nearby and was able to grab some “Whispa Bars” and cans of cherry coke to keep me and Geoffrey going. The horses had been shitting the whole time.. I would like to be a horse and just shit in the street – wouldn’t you? Also they have no buttocks, so they do not need to wipe afterwards.

The little collapsible stool is not as comfy as I remembered and it might be that I have no buttocks when I finally get off. The pilot kept swooping very low over the desert, and my fellow passengers, mostly horses and two bearded men in dressing gowns, kept screaming and neighing and stuff. All very trying I must say!

Part Two Coming Soon - My Triumphant Arrival in Boulder-Kalgoorlie Bus Station!

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I have once more been accused of ‘making up all this stuff’ and told my blog is ‘nonsense from start to finish’. I cannot swear to the absolute veracity of everything I write, but these are the events as I recall them afterwards. My ‘counsellor’ also says that the story of this trip is an ‘escape fantasy’ because I cannot accept the reality of my existence, which is mainly 'endless rejection in work, love and even in your own family'. What nonsense these highly trained professionals speak – Mr Beast soon put him right with a swift ‘nutting’!!

On this occasion however, I am co-blogging with Rups… so there will be witnesses to everything. Also I am expecting that my growing Australian Fan Club will have put on some kind of surprise welcome party. I shall have to pretend to be surprised!!